the hardest work I’ve ever done

Since Philip went back to work I have now spent three weeks alone in the house with Yuki. During the first week, I managed to get out of the house to run some errands with her, which was easier than I thought. It was good to get out of the house and break up my day. I did realize during that week that I really can’t multi-task with a newborn, which was difficult for me. I like to keep myself busy and get things done, but realized that my hands are occupied most of the day with this creature whose very life depends on me. My entire approach to how I do things had to change. I have to feed her about every two hours during the day. It takes anywhere from 30 to 45 minutes to feed her. And if she falls asleep after, I have maybe an hour to do things. Most of that time is spent taking a shower, going to the bathroom, making and eating a meal, loading or unloading the dishwasher, or checking my email. But she doesn’t always sleep in between (in fact it’s pretty rare that she sleeps for longer than 20 minutes at a time during the day) so then I spend my time bouncing her and changing her diaper.

Bouncing. Because do you really want to see a picture of diaper changing?

By the second week of Philip being gone, I had breastfeeding fatigue. Yuki had gained her weight back and my milk had come in, so we were trying to do without supplements, which resulted in me nursing her whenever she cried for food (which is a very specific cry) and sometimes that was 45 minutes after I finished the previous feeding. My world suddenly narrowed and I felt like I had no idea what I was doing and I lost all energy to go out. It’s difficult to be at my age where I have life experience and can figure out how to do most anything and suddenly face a series of tasks for which I have no frame of reference. And I will say it again that it adds a whole different pressure when I know that I’m responsible for this person’s life. That, mixed with post partum hormones, made me a bit nutty and freaked out and made me feel like I was inadequate. Enter Philip -- with a cape. On the second Friday, he got off work early and he kicked me out of the house. He told me to go park my butt in a café somewhere for a couple of hours. So I took my stuff for the show I’m directing this summer and did exactly that. Had a cup of coffee and a doughnut and spent two hours by myself with my hands free. It was so calming and relaxing. Then I missed them so I went home. He has since been so great about taking Yuki off my hands when he comes home to give me a little time to myself so that I don’t lose my mind. Last week, I was once again able to get out of the house on small outings with Yuki. With or without Philip, we have now gone out to Uwajimaya, QFC, Costco, Target, U Village, three restaurants, a show at YTN, a visit to Cranium, a walk around Green Lake, and the U.S. Immigration Service to renew my Green Card. It’s important to get out with your baby, I think so that you don’t become homebound. You have to be realistic about how long to be out and where to go, but it widens your world and gives you perspective.

It also gives you Sushi, which is where we went for dinner on Mother's Day.

We also weaned ourselves off of our doula, Alissa, last week. It was hard but it was time. She did a final two hour visit to go over our experience of birth and how we think we are doing. She asked that she be invited to Yuki’s birthday parties. We shall miss her.

Yuki's very first friend, Alissa, without whom we would have been quivering piles of goo.
Doula = Good

One of Philip’s five sisters, Gibsey (a nickname inexplicably derived from her given name, Gabrielle), came into town Thursday, picked up Yuki and has been holding her ever since. She has three sons and is a first grade teacher so she is a pro at this, which has been so nice. She says that she is going to start a “cousin camp” and get all of the nieces and nephews together (note: we have total of 26 just on Philip’s side-out of which about 15 of them are in the age range that would fit into this camp). We can’t wait. Since we are uncertain if Yuki will have a sibling, we want to make sure she grows up with her cousins.

Gabrielle, a.k.a. Gibsey a.k.a. Chiocha Gibs, a.k.a. Chukka

Yuki has grown a lot in this past couple of weeks. While her weight gain slowed down and I still need to figure out breastfeeding (which I think will never end), her head is now larger (if that is possible) and she is longer. She loves her mobile and tracks anything with light and movement, and she smiles a lot in her sleep. All of that and when she snuggles on my chest and falls asleep, all the stress just melts away. We are going to have fun with her. I can’t wait to see what she is like when she talks.

I know you're not "supposed" to leave your kid on the changing table, but if she's happy she's happy so why ruin it?

I was able to write this blog today because Yuki decided to take a nap on Philip for a couple of hours. Pretty rare. And pretty cute. Here are more pictures.

Lazy Sunday

The cutest case of male pattern baldness you could ever hope to see.

whee!

Food coma.

Lest we forget our first born, who continues to hang in there like a champ.