Yuki has been a child who once in bed, figures she was to stay there. I'm not certain if this was a left over from her crib days, but if she woke up before we did, she would just hang out in her bed without making a sound until we went and got her. This has been pretty glorious especially on weekends because it allowed us to sleep in. But the flip side was that she would just demand things from her bed as opposed to getting out and doing things herself. Regardless, we felt this was a pretty good deal given we had friends whose children had sleep troubles or who woke them up at the crack of dawn.
Then nearing Christmas time, she had one of her bad dreams. Prior to this, she would just wake up crying and one of us would go into her room to check on her. But on this night, something spooked her so badly (and we had guests so all the doors were closed and we didn't hear her crying) that she bolted out of her bed and ran into ours screaming crying, which is not a fun sound to wake up to so close to our ears. The situation was so foreign we sat up yet couldn't manage to get out of bed and just repeatedly said, "come here!! come here!!" to a child who was probably just as confused and just stood in the door way losing her shit. She eventually crawled in bed with us and went back to sleep. This was the beginning. During the next two weeks, she would wake up in the middle of the night, every night and come into our room. She was sometimes upset but more often not and she was bringing luggage. She would come in with a basket full of her little treasures and about 16 stuffed animals. How she would managed to carry all of this is still unknown but she would show up like a little refugee with all of her belongings and just climb in bed with us. This all sounds sweet, and it is, until she starts kicking and turns perpendicular to us in our queen size bed (don't forget the 16 stuffed animals that she insisted on having). It got to a point where I would just bail to the guest room so we could all sleep. We knew that we needed to walk her back to her room at some point before this became a regular occurrence, but when you are about 99% sure that it would end in screaming and crying and it's 2 in the morning. you tend to put that off just so that you can go back to bed because you have to get up at 6:30. Wimps, I know.
In addition to this, she started having separation anxiety at bedtime, particularly with Philip. She has shown different preferences over time and currently is a total daddy's girl, which is also sweet (and mostly because she figured out I was a hard-ass) until Philip can't get any time to himself. Post bed time is so precious to us parents that when it takes until 10:30 or 11:00 for a clingy child to finally fall asleep, you start to get cranky because all that is left is enough time to brush your teeth and go to sleep. And this gets desperate when said child is also no longer napping, which gives you total of 0 minutes to your self on your day off. Needless to say, Philip was becoming a frustrated dad.
The combination of these two things totally wiped us out and we could not crack this code. We tried being gentle, then firm, then setting up incentives, and none of them worked well enough or consistently. And just as we were hearing from our friends that this very thing also happened to their children when they were about 3, she stopped waking up in the middle of the night. Or would sleep through enough nights in a row that it became manageable. She also became better about going to sleep. It was most often easier if I was the last person in her room to talk her down so even if she requested Philip, I would tell her I was in charge of bed time tonight to give him a little time to himself/his new Wii (It makes me a better father, I swear! Seriously, my hat is off to single parents and parents of multiples. -- Philip). I'm sure we haven't seen the last of this but at least for now, it seems to be tapering off.
Parenting is constant riddle solving. Just as we think we've figure things out, a new and more difficult riddle pops up. The relentless amount of mental and physical challenges can bring out the worst in you and reveal all of your issues and weaknesses. Buttons you didn't know you had would be exposed and they would get pushed by your child, sometimes all at once. It's not pretty sometimes. It has pushed me and tested our marriage and at times, it has sucked all the humor out of me. But then just as I think I'm going to lose my mind, small, comforting and indescribable events like drawing with Yuki for hours or Philip saying "thank you for giving me the night off" will soften all of that and I gain clarity. You gotta step back and see the big picture and just calm down. This is a unit. We are a team. So we just have to keep tackling these riddles. In other words, we gotta butch up.
It is a new and sweet thing though for her to come into our room (when it's after sun rise) with all of her toys and hang out with us. So I guess we better enjoy that before the next new challenge.
Then nearing Christmas time, she had one of her bad dreams. Prior to this, she would just wake up crying and one of us would go into her room to check on her. But on this night, something spooked her so badly (and we had guests so all the doors were closed and we didn't hear her crying) that she bolted out of her bed and ran into ours screaming crying, which is not a fun sound to wake up to so close to our ears. The situation was so foreign we sat up yet couldn't manage to get out of bed and just repeatedly said, "come here!! come here!!" to a child who was probably just as confused and just stood in the door way losing her shit. She eventually crawled in bed with us and went back to sleep. This was the beginning. During the next two weeks, she would wake up in the middle of the night, every night and come into our room. She was sometimes upset but more often not and she was bringing luggage. She would come in with a basket full of her little treasures and about 16 stuffed animals. How she would managed to carry all of this is still unknown but she would show up like a little refugee with all of her belongings and just climb in bed with us. This all sounds sweet, and it is, until she starts kicking and turns perpendicular to us in our queen size bed (don't forget the 16 stuffed animals that she insisted on having). It got to a point where I would just bail to the guest room so we could all sleep. We knew that we needed to walk her back to her room at some point before this became a regular occurrence, but when you are about 99% sure that it would end in screaming and crying and it's 2 in the morning. you tend to put that off just so that you can go back to bed because you have to get up at 6:30. Wimps, I know.
In addition to this, she started having separation anxiety at bedtime, particularly with Philip. She has shown different preferences over time and currently is a total daddy's girl, which is also sweet (and mostly because she figured out I was a hard-ass) until Philip can't get any time to himself. Post bed time is so precious to us parents that when it takes until 10:30 or 11:00 for a clingy child to finally fall asleep, you start to get cranky because all that is left is enough time to brush your teeth and go to sleep. And this gets desperate when said child is also no longer napping, which gives you total of 0 minutes to your self on your day off. Needless to say, Philip was becoming a frustrated dad.
The combination of these two things totally wiped us out and we could not crack this code. We tried being gentle, then firm, then setting up incentives, and none of them worked well enough or consistently. And just as we were hearing from our friends that this very thing also happened to their children when they were about 3, she stopped waking up in the middle of the night. Or would sleep through enough nights in a row that it became manageable. She also became better about going to sleep. It was most often easier if I was the last person in her room to talk her down so even if she requested Philip, I would tell her I was in charge of bed time tonight to give him a little time to himself/his new Wii (It makes me a better father, I swear! Seriously, my hat is off to single parents and parents of multiples. -- Philip). I'm sure we haven't seen the last of this but at least for now, it seems to be tapering off.
Parenting is constant riddle solving. Just as we think we've figure things out, a new and more difficult riddle pops up. The relentless amount of mental and physical challenges can bring out the worst in you and reveal all of your issues and weaknesses. Buttons you didn't know you had would be exposed and they would get pushed by your child, sometimes all at once. It's not pretty sometimes. It has pushed me and tested our marriage and at times, it has sucked all the humor out of me. But then just as I think I'm going to lose my mind, small, comforting and indescribable events like drawing with Yuki for hours or Philip saying "thank you for giving me the night off" will soften all of that and I gain clarity. You gotta step back and see the big picture and just calm down. This is a unit. We are a team. So we just have to keep tackling these riddles. In other words, we gotta butch up.
It is a new and sweet thing though for her to come into our room (when it's after sun rise) with all of her toys and hang out with us. So I guess we better enjoy that before the next new challenge.
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