OK, so I realize there are people out there (even amongst the people I hang out with) who don’t think math is hard. The point is, math is hard for me, and I’m saying breastfeeding is harder.
Let us recap:
1. At my very first try on breastfeeding, Yuki had such an excellent latch that she took a chunk off of both of my nipples (insert scream). I was introduced to a “nipple shield” which protects the wounded nipple and makes it possible for moms like me to continue breastfeeding.
2. Normally (and I use that term loosely), women’s milk comes in 3-4 days after giving birth. Mine did not. We just thought that newborns were this fussy all the time.
3. Then at the first doctor’s visit (which was two days after we got home from the hospital, with our family doctor, Dr. Belcher – guess why Philip chose him!) we found out that Yuki lost too much weight. Newborns are not supposed to drop more than 10% of their birth weight and Yuki lost over a pound, which was a lot when you only weigh 8 pounds to begin with.
4. I then got a prescription for Reglan (a medication to help milk come in), drank “Mother’s Milk” herb tea, and in the meantime, under our doctor’s advice, we supplemented with formula after every feeding. I was also advised to pump after every feeding to encourage the milk to come in. So our routine was; I breastfeed, then Philip gives her the bottle while I pumped.
5. After a week of that, she gained back the weight and my milk was in (indicated by feelings of let down, engorgement, etc.). So we were relieved and didn’t feel like such bad parents anymore.
6. Then we tapered off the supplement, and when I returned to the doctor’s office about a week later, she had only gained 4 ounces Newborns are supposed to gain about 1ounce a day for the first three months. Back to worrying.
7. Then we decided that we would take cues off of Yuki to decide when to give her the supplement. If she seemed cranky after a feeding, we’d give her a little extra. After consulting my doula, we also determined that Yuki might not be getting everything out of me. As is very common, Yuki is a very sleepy eater. It takes her a long time and she’s not always productive when she eats. I was then advised to go see a Lactation Specialist at Children’s Hospital who could give me some tips on breastfeeding.
8. Back to the doctors office 8 days later and Yuki had gained 8 more ounces, which was exactly right. When I told the doctor what it took to get her weight up, he sympathized with us saying that that is a lot of work and it would probably be helpful to see a Lactation person also.
9. At this point, I am pretty fatigued, worried, and confused as to what would be the best thing to do.
10. We go to Children’s Hospital and see the specialist who was very attentive and helpful. She checked Yuki’s mouth to see if she had any issues, then weighed her, then had me nurse her for 10 minutes then weighed her again to see how much she got. She only got less than an ounce in that time, whereas some babies can get a couple of ounces. She noticed that Yuki is a “muncher” and not a “sucker,” meaning she doesn’t draw the nipple in deep enough to get the milk out after the first few minutes. She suggested that we train her mouth when we used a bottle and a pacifier by pinching her cheeks together. She also suggested that I use an SNS (supplemental nursing system?) Starter Kit, which is a small contraption with a very fine tube that you can use to feed supplement while the baby is nursing so you don’t have to use a bottle. She commended me for all the efforts I was making, and also said that it was pretty remarkable that between the nipple shield, the bottle, and my own nipple, Yuki has not shown any preference as to how she gets her food, as long as she gets it (to which Philip said, “like father, like daughter”). Thank God for small favors.
11. So I start using the kit, which is a bit tricky and takes getting used to. I was in the process of weaning Yuki from the shield, but I got sore so I use it for some of the feedings. At least I’m getting her food. I tell myself that that’s all that matters.
12. A complete meltdown. I was starting to wonder how long it would continue to be this labor intensive and wondered if I should give up on the whole thing since she doesn’t seem to have trouble with formula or a bottle. But then, the feeling of guilt and inadequacy was tremendous even though every book will tell you that you are not a failure if you can’t breastfeed. Adding to the confusion is that no one will tell you exactly what to do, because it’s ultimately your choice-but after having issues and getting so much advice, I just wanted someone to tell me. No such luck. I was trying to feed Yuki with a shield and a kit and she had trouble latching on. She and I were both getting increasingly frustrated and she finally burst out screaming crying after several tries. At that moment, I also burst out crying. Then Philip once again entered the scene with a cape and whisked Yuki away, put the supplement in the bottle and fed it to her, which calmed her right down. I sat there and cried for a few minutes while he petted my head one handed. It was a quiet explosion, but I got it out of my system.
13. That night, Yuki gave me a smile. She has been sort of cracking a smile on purpose for a couple of days, but this one was a clear recognition of my face. She looked up and held my gaze and spread a big smile across her face. Like she knew that we were having a hard time. I was all better at that point.
14. Then she turned a corner. For the last couple of days, she seemed very content after each feeding, is now napping (which she wasn’t before). Perhaps she hit a growth spurt last week and is now settling in. I am also feeling much better about the whole thing for the time being. She gets weighed again tomorrow so see where that will take us. Seven weeks of breastfeeding had taught me that it’s just really, really hard. But it’s also really, really good for the baby, so that’s what’s keeping me from quitting. I hope to totally conquer it in the near future, but who knows when that will be. I know that I’m not alone in this. Many women told me that it was hard for them. I just didn’t know the specifics. Now I do. It’s so important to get a lot of support and that I’ve had. I just have to trust my judgment—how frightening is that?
BONUS PHOTOGRAPHIC CONTENT!
Here he is, ladies and gents. Dr. Crazy himself! Dr. Robert E. McIntosh, our very own "rooster with a bowtie" who retired this week after 35 years in the fertility racket.
I guess he figured he wasn't going to do better than Yuki so he's putting away his shingle and "going fishing." We stopped by his office to show off the result of his efforts. He called Philip a chump and a union breaker for changing diapers ("It's guys like you who make it so every other guy has to do it!"), kept referring to Yuki as "he," and asked Mimi how everything was at Seattle Children's Theater.
All part of a regular visit. So long, Mac. Things won't be the same without you.
Let us recap:
1. At my very first try on breastfeeding, Yuki had such an excellent latch that she took a chunk off of both of my nipples (insert scream). I was introduced to a “nipple shield” which protects the wounded nipple and makes it possible for moms like me to continue breastfeeding.
2. Normally (and I use that term loosely), women’s milk comes in 3-4 days after giving birth. Mine did not. We just thought that newborns were this fussy all the time.
3. Then at the first doctor’s visit (which was two days after we got home from the hospital, with our family doctor, Dr. Belcher – guess why Philip chose him!) we found out that Yuki lost too much weight. Newborns are not supposed to drop more than 10% of their birth weight and Yuki lost over a pound, which was a lot when you only weigh 8 pounds to begin with.
4. I then got a prescription for Reglan (a medication to help milk come in), drank “Mother’s Milk” herb tea, and in the meantime, under our doctor’s advice, we supplemented with formula after every feeding. I was also advised to pump after every feeding to encourage the milk to come in. So our routine was; I breastfeed, then Philip gives her the bottle while I pumped.
5. After a week of that, she gained back the weight and my milk was in (indicated by feelings of let down, engorgement, etc.). So we were relieved and didn’t feel like such bad parents anymore.
6. Then we tapered off the supplement, and when I returned to the doctor’s office about a week later, she had only gained 4 ounces Newborns are supposed to gain about 1ounce a day for the first three months. Back to worrying.
7. Then we decided that we would take cues off of Yuki to decide when to give her the supplement. If she seemed cranky after a feeding, we’d give her a little extra. After consulting my doula, we also determined that Yuki might not be getting everything out of me. As is very common, Yuki is a very sleepy eater. It takes her a long time and she’s not always productive when she eats. I was then advised to go see a Lactation Specialist at Children’s Hospital who could give me some tips on breastfeeding.
8. Back to the doctors office 8 days later and Yuki had gained 8 more ounces, which was exactly right. When I told the doctor what it took to get her weight up, he sympathized with us saying that that is a lot of work and it would probably be helpful to see a Lactation person also.
9. At this point, I am pretty fatigued, worried, and confused as to what would be the best thing to do.
10. We go to Children’s Hospital and see the specialist who was very attentive and helpful. She checked Yuki’s mouth to see if she had any issues, then weighed her, then had me nurse her for 10 minutes then weighed her again to see how much she got. She only got less than an ounce in that time, whereas some babies can get a couple of ounces. She noticed that Yuki is a “muncher” and not a “sucker,” meaning she doesn’t draw the nipple in deep enough to get the milk out after the first few minutes. She suggested that we train her mouth when we used a bottle and a pacifier by pinching her cheeks together. She also suggested that I use an SNS (supplemental nursing system?) Starter Kit, which is a small contraption with a very fine tube that you can use to feed supplement while the baby is nursing so you don’t have to use a bottle. She commended me for all the efforts I was making, and also said that it was pretty remarkable that between the nipple shield, the bottle, and my own nipple, Yuki has not shown any preference as to how she gets her food, as long as she gets it (to which Philip said, “like father, like daughter”). Thank God for small favors.
11. So I start using the kit, which is a bit tricky and takes getting used to. I was in the process of weaning Yuki from the shield, but I got sore so I use it for some of the feedings. At least I’m getting her food. I tell myself that that’s all that matters.
12. A complete meltdown. I was starting to wonder how long it would continue to be this labor intensive and wondered if I should give up on the whole thing since she doesn’t seem to have trouble with formula or a bottle. But then, the feeling of guilt and inadequacy was tremendous even though every book will tell you that you are not a failure if you can’t breastfeed. Adding to the confusion is that no one will tell you exactly what to do, because it’s ultimately your choice-but after having issues and getting so much advice, I just wanted someone to tell me. No such luck. I was trying to feed Yuki with a shield and a kit and she had trouble latching on. She and I were both getting increasingly frustrated and she finally burst out screaming crying after several tries. At that moment, I also burst out crying. Then Philip once again entered the scene with a cape and whisked Yuki away, put the supplement in the bottle and fed it to her, which calmed her right down. I sat there and cried for a few minutes while he petted my head one handed. It was a quiet explosion, but I got it out of my system.
13. That night, Yuki gave me a smile. She has been sort of cracking a smile on purpose for a couple of days, but this one was a clear recognition of my face. She looked up and held my gaze and spread a big smile across her face. Like she knew that we were having a hard time. I was all better at that point.
14. Then she turned a corner. For the last couple of days, she seemed very content after each feeding, is now napping (which she wasn’t before). Perhaps she hit a growth spurt last week and is now settling in. I am also feeling much better about the whole thing for the time being. She gets weighed again tomorrow so see where that will take us. Seven weeks of breastfeeding had taught me that it’s just really, really hard. But it’s also really, really good for the baby, so that’s what’s keeping me from quitting. I hope to totally conquer it in the near future, but who knows when that will be. I know that I’m not alone in this. Many women told me that it was hard for them. I just didn’t know the specifics. Now I do. It’s so important to get a lot of support and that I’ve had. I just have to trust my judgment—how frightening is that?
BONUS PHOTOGRAPHIC CONTENT!
Here he is, ladies and gents. Dr. Crazy himself! Dr. Robert E. McIntosh, our very own "rooster with a bowtie" who retired this week after 35 years in the fertility racket.
I guess he figured he wasn't going to do better than Yuki so he's putting away his shingle and "going fishing." We stopped by his office to show off the result of his efforts. He called Philip a chump and a union breaker for changing diapers ("It's guys like you who make it so every other guy has to do it!"), kept referring to Yuki as "he," and asked Mimi how everything was at Seattle Children's Theater.
All part of a regular visit. So long, Mac. Things won't be the same without you.
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