Our recent trip to California, broken into three acts. Settle in, folks, this one goes on for a while.
Act 1: Getting There
We arrived at the airport (after a late night of packing while watching the Olympic opening ceremonies) at about 11:30 for our 1:20 flight to San Francisco (and our promised connection to our destination, Santa Barbara). Of course our flight out of Seattle was delayed (a theme for this trip) so we were going to miss our connection in San Francisco and oh, by the way, they didn't have any more flights from San Francisco to Santa Barbara that day. But they could fly us from Seattle to SF to San Luis Obispo to LA to Santa Barbara! My head was swimming with the thought of hauling Yuki on and off that many flights in one day (every connection an opportunity to miss a flight). Fortunately, San Luis Obispo is closer to my parents house than Santa Barbara so we took half of their insane counter-proposal and went to SLO instead (which meant we had to ride one of those sketchy prop planes, but we made it).
So after a lot of phone calls to rearrange transportation, one "chicken salad" sandwich that was mostly mayonnaise and pickle relish (which almost made Philip cry — Mimi), one instance of Yuki greeting the airport floor with her forehead (my fault, not surprisingly), one too-short nap, and about four hours of waiting around in the airport we got on our first flight. Yuki's mood-o-meter went back and forth from FUSSY to BELLIGERENT throughout. We did find that if we took her shoes off she couldn't kick the seat in front of her quite as hard and she enjoyed nothing more than dropping everything down the far side of her seat where we couldn't get it, then crying about it. Neat (Yes, she was that baby — Mimi).
Who? Me?
After a scream-fest during descent, we arrived at SFO. She was in a pretty good mood in the airport and was really excited when she saw a group of kids running and playing near our gate. A good sign given the cousin-chaos that would be unleashed later in the week. Yuki's mood-o-meter on the second flight was stuck on CRANKY but nearby passengers and the flight attendant were all really nice. We arrived, Gramps was waiting, and we drove down to the homestead.
Yes. Philip in 40 years. Yes.
Act 2, The Blur
I was trying to compile a timeline of events while we were in California, but it is all starting to mush in my head. So if anyone reading this was there and I have any of the events out of order, I beg your indulgence. Besides, it's our blog and we can remember things however we want.
Auntie Margaret and Uncle Gonzo dropped in that first night. Margaret commented that Yuki looked, "just like on the internet but in 3-D" and Gonzo launched his long-range plan to get Yuki to like him (it would work beautifully, in case I forget to mention it later).
Sunday brought a visit from the Blondes. Auntie Judy (who isn't blond) and her three kids (each impossibly blond), plus Philip the Younger from the Polankan side (that's half Polish, half Sri Lankan). The boy cousins (Steven, Jason, Philip) were mostly unimpressed by Yuki's arrival,
I punch you because I love you.
but cousin Josie was over the moon.
We did get Yuki back. Eventually.
It was very sweet and Yuki did well with the near-constant attention.
Monday was a quieter day and after an epic whiffle ball battle between the two Philips
The series is still tied, 1 to 1.
we headed up to Avila Beach, the beach we used to go to when we were kids. It was pretty skeevy when we were kids but it's been spiffed up in the last few years which has kind of robbed it of its charm. The lagoon, however, was as delightful as ever.
Nice job soaking up the rays there, Dad.
Yuki loves the water and was downright furious when we had to leave. Her lovely mood extended to dinner with the family and we had to whisk her away for beddy-bye.
Tuesday was a little quieter still – a chilling portent. A little more whiffle ball and a lot of doing laps around the yard and playing in the dirt pile.
Some people have a sandbox, we have a dirt pile – do you have a problem with that?
Tuesday also marked the arrival of Aunt KT and Uncle Mike from the mystical land of Singapore. "Adults" still outnumbered kids at this point so conversations were relatively polite and the noise was minimal.
I believe it was on Wednesday that the first rumblings of familial chaos were heard. The rest of the Polankans arrived (my brother, his wife, and their three girlies) and Aunt Gibs (whom Yuki had met over a year ago) arrived with one of hers from SoCal and two other cousins from Virginia.
They're cousins ... identical cousins ...
By Thursday all heck had broken loose. Cousins and aunts and uncles were coming from all directions. The rest of the Virginians arrived, the Blondes returned, several of my own aunts and uncles arrived, the miracle of the loaves and fishes was in full effect. And when I say "loaves and fishes" I am referring to the endless supply of cheese bread from Pea Soup Andersen's in Solvang and the bottomless cooler of Mexican beer.
Challenge: How many things are just wrong with this picture?
Yuki was quite popular with her girlie cousins and mostly tolerated by her boy cousins (except for the kind and attentive cousin Jack who is to small children what St. Francis was to animals). And only once did I have to utter, "Please don't call my daughter 'Pukey.'" (I had to utter that once, too — Mimi) We took a hike out to Oso Flaco to stand around in the frigid and actually quite dangerous waves.
Next time, shorts!
Some of us went to Auntie Margaret's house to finish getting the place ready for the big party on Saturday (no photos, fortunately).
We had a birthday/pizza party for cousin Justine (oh to be 17 and have a party with all 48 of your immediate family members) which also saw the arrival of at least five more cousins, some from as far away as Windsor, Ontario.
These people are all completely nuts!
We even went to the Hi-Way Drive-In down the street from my parents' house. We got about 80 minutes into the first feature before Yuki finally melted down and we had to take her back to the hotel.
I think by Friday everybody who was going to be there was there. I got roped into playing 18 holes of golf (which I've never done before and which was actually kind of fun and I managed to get par on one par 3 hole but later when I got tired I perfected my use of the hand wedge). Uncle Peter got there with Aunt Gibs' other two boys, Uncle Daniel and Aunt Dana arrived from Ohio (and were greeted by a glass of wine waiting for Daniel in the mailbox).
What is it? I don't know, just drink it!
To get an idea of what it sounded like, get in a car, turn the radio on as loud as it will go, then rev the engine while leaning on the horn. That's almost as loud as it actually was. If you don't have a car, just drop a handful of gravel into a garbage disposal and fire it up.
Saturday was the day. My parents' actual 50th anniversary. Somehow I ended up doing the reading at mass (ah, I remember now, it's because I wore a suit),
[please insert your own comment here]
my parents renewed their vows, they kissed in front of God and everybody (Get a room, you two!), we had a "continental breakfast" which I remember as being everybody eating four doughnuts each, and then (after a nap) we went to my sisters for the big brouhaha. More noise, more food, more beer, lots of wine, still more food, a lot more noise, and then a family portrait.
The only photo I wasn't in. The in-laws!
It was glorious and Yuki was a champ throughout. She had a good nap on Auntie Gibs
The kid can sleep anywhere, I guess. Oh, except on airplanes.
she played really hard, and ate like a Smith.
Later, I would attend a separate party with some old friends from high school, This picture is all you need to know (and all I will tell you) about the party.
Nice.
All the while, Mimi watched the Olympics without sound in our hotel room while struggling to understand which country won the women’s marathon because she doesn’t know her flags.
Sunday was a brunch at the hotel where we were all staying, which included the whole fam damily (including the entire phalanx of Jewish cousins), plus about 100 of my parents' friends ("Who knew they had so many friends?" was a familiar refrain). The buffet featured about 7 kinds of meat and I ate some of each.
Then we had a nap.
Then we had a pool party!
Uncle Tugboat!
Followed by a hot tub party
Yuki did not enjoy a lot of personal space that week.
Then we somehow found ourselves back at my parents' house for more food and one last Mexican beer. It was an epic vacation which seemed to pass way too quickly. Yuki hung in there with her 21 cousins (only three more to meet!) and all of the attention and kisses and face squeezing and picking up and running around.
Act 3. Show Me The Way To Go Home
On Monday we hitched a ride down to Santa Barbara to catch our flight out and, yes, it was delayed. After a needlessly long check-in process and a surprise visit with Aunt KT and Uncle Mike (who were dropping Mike's dad at the airport) we went to the "Overpriced Café" (though it might have been called "The Overlook Café") for lunch. About halfway through our lunch they announced final boarding for our flight to San Francisco.
Wha-huh?
No warning. Just wait wait wait wait wait OH MY GOD OUR PLANE IS LEAVING RIGHT NOW AND WE'RE NOT ON IT! we threw some cash at the waiter, grabbed all of our stuff, grabbed Yuki who was still holding a French fry, cut to the front of the security line, stripped down to our underwear (it's really just easier that way), passed through security, then it all came to a screeching halt when security decided they were going to rifle through Mimi's carry-on.
Speaking of screeching and carrying-on, while we were waiting for security to read every label on every item in Mimi's bag, the United gate agent was barking at us that we needed to hurry up because the plane was leaving (the plane that they didn't tell us was leaving until it was almost gone). Mimi and I barked back at her simultaneously "HE HAS OUR [EXPLETIVE DELETED] BAG!" I guess in the realm of airport bureaucracy, TSA trumps Gate Agent because she was very nice to us after that (this also indicates how small this airport is that security and the gate are next to each other — Mimi).
So we got our stuff back, shuffled out to the plane (I literally shuffled because I didn't even get my shoes on all the way and my pants were sagging because I had to take off my belt), strapped Yuki's car seat into the plane (she was doing all right at the moment), buckled ourselves in and then … SHEENA!
I don't imaging being a flight attendant is always easy, and when you are on those short-haul flights that you probably have to make three or four times a day I guess it can wear on you, but Sheena was something special. After announcing the wrong flight number and mumbling her way through the safety instructions, she prowled the aisle greeting any queries with an arched eyebrow and a grunt. I really wish I had a picture of her, but this is how I remember her.
YOU WANT WHAT?
Anyway, Yuki was an absolute mess on the flight. I asked Sheena for an empty cup (so we could put some crackers in it for kiddo) and she stared at me before muttering derisively, "A cup. An empty cup." She retrieved it and dropped it in my lap without another word. She sighed heavily before doing anything and never met a passengers eyes because she was too busy rolling hers any time anybody asked her for something.
Surprisingly, most passengers were very gracious about fussy-baby except for the one off-duty flight attendant (who made sure everybody on the plane new she was "A MEMBER OF THE SCREEN ACTORS GUILD ") sitting in front of Mimi who glared at Mimi when Yuki screamed. Mimi said, "I'm sorry" but what I heard was "Well, excuse me for inconveniencing you for 10 minutes of your meaningless life." Yay, air travel!
On the very last leg of the trip (from San Francisco to Seattle – which was also delayed) Yuki was an angel. Maybe it was the drugs. (Tylenol. Please.) Or maybe it was the 5 pounds of food Mimi fed her as the flight was taking off. We thought we'd be smart and put her in between us so if she dropped something we could get it, but the flight attendant (a nice one!) told us that she had to sit on the window so in the "unlikely event of an emergency" I wouldn't be trapped between the window and her car seat. I was not aware of that.
Anyway, Yuki spent most of that trip talking into her toy calculator as if it were a telephone except for when I had to change her diaper in the airplane bathroom that didn't have a changing table. That was an event I don't need to repeat any time soon.
And that's what we did with our summer vacation.
P.S. I really wasn’t as bitchy as described above. I did not swear at the gate agent. I DID hate the whore who glared at me though. — Mimi
P.P.S. Aunt Gibsey said, “Yuki looks just like Philip, but pretty like Mimi.” Needless to say, she is now my favorite — also Mimi
Act 1: Getting There
We arrived at the airport (after a late night of packing while watching the Olympic opening ceremonies) at about 11:30 for our 1:20 flight to San Francisco (and our promised connection to our destination, Santa Barbara). Of course our flight out of Seattle was delayed (a theme for this trip) so we were going to miss our connection in San Francisco and oh, by the way, they didn't have any more flights from San Francisco to Santa Barbara that day. But they could fly us from Seattle to SF to San Luis Obispo to LA to Santa Barbara! My head was swimming with the thought of hauling Yuki on and off that many flights in one day (every connection an opportunity to miss a flight). Fortunately, San Luis Obispo is closer to my parents house than Santa Barbara so we took half of their insane counter-proposal and went to SLO instead (which meant we had to ride one of those sketchy prop planes, but we made it).
So after a lot of phone calls to rearrange transportation, one "chicken salad" sandwich that was mostly mayonnaise and pickle relish (which almost made Philip cry — Mimi), one instance of Yuki greeting the airport floor with her forehead (my fault, not surprisingly), one too-short nap, and about four hours of waiting around in the airport we got on our first flight. Yuki's mood-o-meter went back and forth from FUSSY to BELLIGERENT throughout. We did find that if we took her shoes off she couldn't kick the seat in front of her quite as hard and she enjoyed nothing more than dropping everything down the far side of her seat where we couldn't get it, then crying about it. Neat (Yes, she was that baby — Mimi).
Who? Me?After a scream-fest during descent, we arrived at SFO. She was in a pretty good mood in the airport and was really excited when she saw a group of kids running and playing near our gate. A good sign given the cousin-chaos that would be unleashed later in the week. Yuki's mood-o-meter on the second flight was stuck on CRANKY but nearby passengers and the flight attendant were all really nice. We arrived, Gramps was waiting, and we drove down to the homestead.
Yes. Philip in 40 years. Yes.Act 2, The Blur
I was trying to compile a timeline of events while we were in California, but it is all starting to mush in my head. So if anyone reading this was there and I have any of the events out of order, I beg your indulgence. Besides, it's our blog and we can remember things however we want.
Auntie Margaret and Uncle Gonzo dropped in that first night. Margaret commented that Yuki looked, "just like on the internet but in 3-D" and Gonzo launched his long-range plan to get Yuki to like him (it would work beautifully, in case I forget to mention it later).
Sunday brought a visit from the Blondes. Auntie Judy (who isn't blond) and her three kids (each impossibly blond), plus Philip the Younger from the Polankan side (that's half Polish, half Sri Lankan). The boy cousins (Steven, Jason, Philip) were mostly unimpressed by Yuki's arrival,
I punch you because I love you.but cousin Josie was over the moon.
We did get Yuki back. Eventually.It was very sweet and Yuki did well with the near-constant attention.
Monday was a quieter day and after an epic whiffle ball battle between the two Philips
The series is still tied, 1 to 1.we headed up to Avila Beach, the beach we used to go to when we were kids. It was pretty skeevy when we were kids but it's been spiffed up in the last few years which has kind of robbed it of its charm. The lagoon, however, was as delightful as ever.
Nice job soaking up the rays there, Dad.Tuesday was a little quieter still – a chilling portent. A little more whiffle ball and a lot of doing laps around the yard and playing in the dirt pile.
Some people have a sandbox, we have a dirt pile – do you have a problem with that?Tuesday also marked the arrival of Aunt KT and Uncle Mike from the mystical land of Singapore. "Adults" still outnumbered kids at this point so conversations were relatively polite and the noise was minimal.
I believe it was on Wednesday that the first rumblings of familial chaos were heard. The rest of the Polankans arrived (my brother, his wife, and their three girlies) and Aunt Gibs (whom Yuki had met over a year ago) arrived with one of hers from SoCal and two other cousins from Virginia.
They're cousins ... identical cousins ...By Thursday all heck had broken loose. Cousins and aunts and uncles were coming from all directions. The rest of the Virginians arrived, the Blondes returned, several of my own aunts and uncles arrived, the miracle of the loaves and fishes was in full effect. And when I say "loaves and fishes" I am referring to the endless supply of cheese bread from Pea Soup Andersen's in Solvang and the bottomless cooler of Mexican beer.
Challenge: How many things are just wrong with this picture?Yuki was quite popular with her girlie cousins and mostly tolerated by her boy cousins (except for the kind and attentive cousin Jack who is to small children what St. Francis was to animals). And only once did I have to utter, "Please don't call my daughter 'Pukey.'" (I had to utter that once, too — Mimi) We took a hike out to Oso Flaco to stand around in the frigid and actually quite dangerous waves.
Next time, shorts!Some of us went to Auntie Margaret's house to finish getting the place ready for the big party on Saturday (no photos, fortunately).
We had a birthday/pizza party for cousin Justine (oh to be 17 and have a party with all 48 of your immediate family members) which also saw the arrival of at least five more cousins, some from as far away as Windsor, Ontario.
These people are all completely nuts!We even went to the Hi-Way Drive-In down the street from my parents' house. We got about 80 minutes into the first feature before Yuki finally melted down and we had to take her back to the hotel.
I think by Friday everybody who was going to be there was there. I got roped into playing 18 holes of golf (which I've never done before and which was actually kind of fun and I managed to get par on one par 3 hole but later when I got tired I perfected my use of the hand wedge). Uncle Peter got there with Aunt Gibs' other two boys, Uncle Daniel and Aunt Dana arrived from Ohio (and were greeted by a glass of wine waiting for Daniel in the mailbox).
What is it? I don't know, just drink it!To get an idea of what it sounded like, get in a car, turn the radio on as loud as it will go, then rev the engine while leaning on the horn. That's almost as loud as it actually was. If you don't have a car, just drop a handful of gravel into a garbage disposal and fire it up.
Saturday was the day. My parents' actual 50th anniversary. Somehow I ended up doing the reading at mass (ah, I remember now, it's because I wore a suit),
[please insert your own comment here]my parents renewed their vows, they kissed in front of God and everybody (Get a room, you two!), we had a "continental breakfast" which I remember as being everybody eating four doughnuts each, and then (after a nap) we went to my sisters for the big brouhaha. More noise, more food, more beer, lots of wine, still more food, a lot more noise, and then a family portrait.
The only photo I wasn't in. The in-laws!It was glorious and Yuki was a champ throughout. She had a good nap on Auntie Gibs
The kid can sleep anywhere, I guess. Oh, except on airplanes.she played really hard, and ate like a Smith.
Later, I would attend a separate party with some old friends from high school, This picture is all you need to know (and all I will tell you) about the party.
Nice.All the while, Mimi watched the Olympics without sound in our hotel room while struggling to understand which country won the women’s marathon because she doesn’t know her flags.
Sunday was a brunch at the hotel where we were all staying, which included the whole fam damily (including the entire phalanx of Jewish cousins), plus about 100 of my parents' friends ("Who knew they had so many friends?" was a familiar refrain). The buffet featured about 7 kinds of meat and I ate some of each.
Then we had a nap.
Then we had a pool party!
Uncle Tugboat!Followed by a hot tub party
Yuki did not enjoy a lot of personal space that week.Then we somehow found ourselves back at my parents' house for more food and one last Mexican beer. It was an epic vacation which seemed to pass way too quickly. Yuki hung in there with her 21 cousins (only three more to meet!) and all of the attention and kisses and face squeezing and picking up and running around.
Act 3. Show Me The Way To Go Home
On Monday we hitched a ride down to Santa Barbara to catch our flight out and, yes, it was delayed. After a needlessly long check-in process and a surprise visit with Aunt KT and Uncle Mike (who were dropping Mike's dad at the airport) we went to the "Overpriced Café" (though it might have been called "The Overlook Café") for lunch. About halfway through our lunch they announced final boarding for our flight to San Francisco.
Wha-huh?
No warning. Just wait wait wait wait wait OH MY GOD OUR PLANE IS LEAVING RIGHT NOW AND WE'RE NOT ON IT! we threw some cash at the waiter, grabbed all of our stuff, grabbed Yuki who was still holding a French fry, cut to the front of the security line, stripped down to our underwear (it's really just easier that way), passed through security, then it all came to a screeching halt when security decided they were going to rifle through Mimi's carry-on.
Speaking of screeching and carrying-on, while we were waiting for security to read every label on every item in Mimi's bag, the United gate agent was barking at us that we needed to hurry up because the plane was leaving (the plane that they didn't tell us was leaving until it was almost gone). Mimi and I barked back at her simultaneously "HE HAS OUR [EXPLETIVE DELETED] BAG!" I guess in the realm of airport bureaucracy, TSA trumps Gate Agent because she was very nice to us after that (this also indicates how small this airport is that security and the gate are next to each other — Mimi).
So we got our stuff back, shuffled out to the plane (I literally shuffled because I didn't even get my shoes on all the way and my pants were sagging because I had to take off my belt), strapped Yuki's car seat into the plane (she was doing all right at the moment), buckled ourselves in and then … SHEENA!
I don't imaging being a flight attendant is always easy, and when you are on those short-haul flights that you probably have to make three or four times a day I guess it can wear on you, but Sheena was something special. After announcing the wrong flight number and mumbling her way through the safety instructions, she prowled the aisle greeting any queries with an arched eyebrow and a grunt. I really wish I had a picture of her, but this is how I remember her.
YOU WANT WHAT?Anyway, Yuki was an absolute mess on the flight. I asked Sheena for an empty cup (so we could put some crackers in it for kiddo) and she stared at me before muttering derisively, "A cup. An empty cup." She retrieved it and dropped it in my lap without another word. She sighed heavily before doing anything and never met a passengers eyes because she was too busy rolling hers any time anybody asked her for something.
Surprisingly, most passengers were very gracious about fussy-baby except for the one off-duty flight attendant (who made sure everybody on the plane new she was "A MEMBER OF THE SCREEN ACTORS GUILD ") sitting in front of Mimi who glared at Mimi when Yuki screamed. Mimi said, "I'm sorry" but what I heard was "Well, excuse me for inconveniencing you for 10 minutes of your meaningless life." Yay, air travel!
On the very last leg of the trip (from San Francisco to Seattle – which was also delayed) Yuki was an angel. Maybe it was the drugs. (Tylenol. Please.) Or maybe it was the 5 pounds of food Mimi fed her as the flight was taking off. We thought we'd be smart and put her in between us so if she dropped something we could get it, but the flight attendant (a nice one!) told us that she had to sit on the window so in the "unlikely event of an emergency" I wouldn't be trapped between the window and her car seat. I was not aware of that.
Anyway, Yuki spent most of that trip talking into her toy calculator as if it were a telephone except for when I had to change her diaper in the airplane bathroom that didn't have a changing table. That was an event I don't need to repeat any time soon.
And that's what we did with our summer vacation.
P.S. I really wasn’t as bitchy as described above. I did not swear at the gate agent. I DID hate the whore who glared at me though. — Mimi
P.P.S. Aunt Gibsey said, “Yuki looks just like Philip, but pretty like Mimi.” Needless to say, she is now my favorite — also Mimi
Comments
Love,
KT
(It also makes me grateful that I will not have to take a baby on my Sea-Tac - Heathrow flight on Sunday.)
Gibs
They will get so much sympathy and be the center of so much attention. Let Yuki scream. It is not only her right, it is a great responsibility!!
Judy