Okay, we love our daughter. You know that, right? But, man, if we don't figure out this potty-training thing -- and soon! -- I am going to run away screaming.
(At this point, if you are eating something, you may want to go away and come back when you are finished.)
Yes, she's only three and I know every kid figures it out at a different pace and Kiddo has many wonderful and amazing qualities and skills that I am in awe of and grateful for but how hard is it to sit and, as my grandmother used to say, "make"?
She can do it, too. Every night before her bath she climbs on the toilet and sits and 4 out of 5 times she will, as my uncle and the son of my aforementioned grandmother says, "make bubbles." But why only before bath? Why not in the morning? Or after school? Or before dinner?
We were making progress before our trip to Tokyo, and I didn't think the trip put her off her rhythm that much (though falling off the toilet in Tokyo probably didn't help) but we seem to have gone in the wrong direction on this.
And it's not just that she isn't interested. She actively, and violently, refuses to use the toilet.
The other night, after I received the usual admonition to "go away" (which we've replaced with what we thought would be the more polite "excuse me" but now just sounds impossibly haughty coming from someone who is about to take a dump in her pants) I came back to a diaper that had exploded in strange and magnificent ways. Of course I didn't realize it until I got her pants off and stuff started falling out (on top of a pile of clean diapers, rendering them unusable).
So, I did what any good father would do, I panicked.
I thought, "I need to get her in the shower." So, I picked her up, gingerly, and carried her upstairs, leaving a trail behind me. Stood her in the tub, still mostly dressed, and very much covered in her own business, gave in to the idea of just having to touch the stuff, got her diaper off, tried to open the diaper pail to make a direct deposit, noticed that Kiddo's screaming was becoming louder and louder, reached over with my clean hand to turn on the shower which I quickly learned was pointed right at her face, enjoyed the new screaming, finally wrestled open the diaper pail, got rid of the stink bomb, rinsed myself off, noticed that the drain was partly closed and the tub was filling up with shitty, shitty water, opened the drain, rinsed kid off, got her wrapped in a towel, and then just held her for about 10 minutes until we both calmed down. Then I put her in her Minnie Mouse dress and we went downstairs. It was already past bedtime, but she needed to watch a movie and I needed booze.
After waking up this morning with a dry diaper (shock!) followed by a screaming fit about not wanting to get on the toilet, then the cascade of pee in the kitchen, it's hard not to just give up. We are trying to not give her a complex about the toilet, so we don't pressure her too much (though I kind of think a few successes would lead to more willingness) but I also don't want her to grow up with the complex of being in diapers in 5th grade. I know, it's probably not likely, but as someone who wet the bed way, way longer than anyone else he knows (hello, internet, do you know too much about me now?) this particular issue gnaws at me.
Sigh. We do love her. How can you not love this stupid face?
"I ain't never gonna use no indoor plumbin'"
Okay, maybe not this one so much.
Pretty sure she's just making fun of me.
Damn it. All right, you can stay.
Cupcake Face makes it all better.
(At this point, if you are eating something, you may want to go away and come back when you are finished.)
Yes, she's only three and I know every kid figures it out at a different pace and Kiddo has many wonderful and amazing qualities and skills that I am in awe of and grateful for but how hard is it to sit and, as my grandmother used to say, "make"?
She can do it, too. Every night before her bath she climbs on the toilet and sits and 4 out of 5 times she will, as my uncle and the son of my aforementioned grandmother says, "make bubbles." But why only before bath? Why not in the morning? Or after school? Or before dinner?
We were making progress before our trip to Tokyo, and I didn't think the trip put her off her rhythm that much (though falling off the toilet in Tokyo probably didn't help) but we seem to have gone in the wrong direction on this.
And it's not just that she isn't interested. She actively, and violently, refuses to use the toilet.
The other night, after I received the usual admonition to "go away" (which we've replaced with what we thought would be the more polite "excuse me" but now just sounds impossibly haughty coming from someone who is about to take a dump in her pants) I came back to a diaper that had exploded in strange and magnificent ways. Of course I didn't realize it until I got her pants off and stuff started falling out (on top of a pile of clean diapers, rendering them unusable).
So, I did what any good father would do, I panicked.
I thought, "I need to get her in the shower." So, I picked her up, gingerly, and carried her upstairs, leaving a trail behind me. Stood her in the tub, still mostly dressed, and very much covered in her own business, gave in to the idea of just having to touch the stuff, got her diaper off, tried to open the diaper pail to make a direct deposit, noticed that Kiddo's screaming was becoming louder and louder, reached over with my clean hand to turn on the shower which I quickly learned was pointed right at her face, enjoyed the new screaming, finally wrestled open the diaper pail, got rid of the stink bomb, rinsed myself off, noticed that the drain was partly closed and the tub was filling up with shitty, shitty water, opened the drain, rinsed kid off, got her wrapped in a towel, and then just held her for about 10 minutes until we both calmed down. Then I put her in her Minnie Mouse dress and we went downstairs. It was already past bedtime, but she needed to watch a movie and I needed booze.
After waking up this morning with a dry diaper (shock!) followed by a screaming fit about not wanting to get on the toilet, then the cascade of pee in the kitchen, it's hard not to just give up. We are trying to not give her a complex about the toilet, so we don't pressure her too much (though I kind of think a few successes would lead to more willingness) but I also don't want her to grow up with the complex of being in diapers in 5th grade. I know, it's probably not likely, but as someone who wet the bed way, way longer than anyone else he knows (hello, internet, do you know too much about me now?) this particular issue gnaws at me.
Sigh. We do love her. How can you not love this stupid face?
"I ain't never gonna use no indoor plumbin'"Okay, maybe not this one so much.
Pretty sure she's just making fun of me.Damn it. All right, you can stay.
Cupcake Face makes it all better.
Comments
I don't know any child who did not learn to use the potty without copious amounts of candy (or TV, stickers, or in our case, all three), and if that doesn't work, then just wait till she's 4 and try again. Also, I think using the fancy-shmancy (and ridiculously expensive) pull-up diapers did help us a bit, if just to encourage independence. Unless it was a poo, Elena could change her own diapers when using pull-ups. Hey, kid, go change your diaper! Nice.
1) Wait. (Jackson finally told me "Hey, no more diapers!)
2) Buy cool big kid undies! Scooby Doo and Power Rangers were a hit for us!
3) (I know I said 2 but I just thought of another one) Every time they pooped a diaper after cleaning them up we dumped the poop out of the diaper and into the toilet and said "that's where poop goes -! bye poop"
Hey - this too shall pass!!!
Great story!!
xo
gibs
I mean, wow.
You realize what reading this sort of thing does to a childless couple, right?
It makes them do a happy dance and gives them something to smile and think about when people ask when they're going to have kids.
So thank you. I now feel less guilt about not being maternal at all.
But I can still be a crazy aunt, right? Especially after she's all cleaned up?
xo
la
Good luck!
we're pretty sure it'll all come out in the end :)
I'm sure you have thought of and tried everything, but I must ask if you tried to appeal to her sense of self-identity? ie: only big girls use the potty. It may mess up her self-worth a little, but you had to clean up a trail of poo. I'd say she owes you one.
-Tara (friend of Nora's uncle Ian).