Another in a semi-regular series of paternal wonder (aka: Sometimes Dad remembers he's responsible for this kid). Enjoy, won't you?
I am often caught off-guard by the fact that Kiddo likes me. I know, she's not even three, so we are in that sweet-spot where kids think their parents are awesome, and maybe it's my own innate self-loathing combined with my desperate need to be liked, but every time she wants to include me in things she is doing I am surprised. Whether she is asking me to color with her, or insisting that she eat her dinner while sitting in my lap, or running up to me in the kitchen to show me the Play-Doh ball she just made* I have to remind myself, "Oh, right, she still thinks I'm pretty cool."
*She did this at Mimi's behest, but the enthusiasm with which she ran to me made my heart skip a beat.
In addition to my crippling insecurity I am also, I think, emotionally unstable because sometimes Mimi will send me a picture like this one
and I swear it makes me want to cry.
I want to live inside moments like that one. Not just remember them or look at pictures of them but live in them forever and never leave. I suppose it's the fleeting nature of these little nothings that make them feel so unbearably precious.
Sometimes when she's asleep, and I'm feeling especially maudlin, I'll just watch her and try to will her to stay just like she is right now. Ugh. It's awful. Of course I want to watch her grow up and become the person she will be, but I can't deny my desire to keep her under glass (metaphorically, of course) and preserve the rare and delicate thing she is.
Then sometimes, when she's mad, she'll look me right in the eye and scream "I want Mommy!" and I wonder if it's too soon for boarding school.
In the meantime, I will just keep stockpiling the little nothings for the winter.
Here's how this one goes, "They call me Carrot Face. On account of I got a carrot in my face. I'm gonna call you 'Little Carrot Face.' On account of you're so little, and you got a carrot in your face." Repeat.
I am often caught off-guard by the fact that Kiddo likes me. I know, she's not even three, so we are in that sweet-spot where kids think their parents are awesome, and maybe it's my own innate self-loathing combined with my desperate need to be liked, but every time she wants to include me in things she is doing I am surprised. Whether she is asking me to color with her, or insisting that she eat her dinner while sitting in my lap, or running up to me in the kitchen to show me the Play-Doh ball she just made* I have to remind myself, "Oh, right, she still thinks I'm pretty cool."
*She did this at Mimi's behest, but the enthusiasm with which she ran to me made my heart skip a beat.
In addition to my crippling insecurity I am also, I think, emotionally unstable because sometimes Mimi will send me a picture like this one
and I swear it makes me want to cry.
I want to live inside moments like that one. Not just remember them or look at pictures of them but live in them forever and never leave. I suppose it's the fleeting nature of these little nothings that make them feel so unbearably precious.
Sometimes when she's asleep, and I'm feeling especially maudlin, I'll just watch her and try to will her to stay just like she is right now. Ugh. It's awful. Of course I want to watch her grow up and become the person she will be, but I can't deny my desire to keep her under glass (metaphorically, of course) and preserve the rare and delicate thing she is.
In the meantime, I will just keep stockpiling the little nothings for the winter.
Here's how this one goes, "They call me Carrot Face. On account of I got a carrot in my face. I'm gonna call you 'Little Carrot Face.' On account of you're so little, and you got a carrot in your face." Repeat.
Comments
Love you!
xo
Gibs
And Carrot Face and Little Carrot Face should totally be a comic you and her put together, together. Yuki should do the plot and dialogue and you and art. I would buy that.
i think you also do a good job of translating our emotional journey with oliver, featuring your own family in our stead.
i love this blog!
Uh ... I mean, SHUT UP, ASSFACE! You suck for making me feel emotions.