At the week 19 ultrasound, we found out the gender of the baby. But we decided to keep that to ourselves. When we told people we weren’t telling, the responses ranged from:
“Why?!!”
“AAAAUUUUUGGGGGHHHH!!!!”
“I know people who don’t find out and I know people who find out and tell, but you are the first people I’ve ever heard of who found out but aren’t telling.”
“I think we should bribe her ass and find out.”
to:
“Good for you!”
Now, about 75-80% of people say, “good for you.”
We decided that we wanted to have something to announce when the kid is here. That way, there is a little more of that “ta-da!!!” to it. We’re theatre people after all so there’s gotta be a dramatic entrance. Also, we feel it’s romantic and kind of fun to have this secret between us. Just for few more months…
What about the name? This is usually the second question. And we have no idea. Honestly. We are both very A.D.D. so when we sit down to brainstorm anything (and we’ve worked together on a lot of different projects), we can’t help but spend the first few rounds listing nothing but stupid, useless, but entertaining ideas. Under that category we have so far:
Embryoko (Embryo and “ko” for a Japanese girl's name)
Embryoro (Same as above, but for a Japanese boy's name)
Ivy Fiona (so we can call her "Ivy F" -- get it? we kill us!)
If we had twins (which we aren’t - whew), we would name them Mac & Tosh (see earlier entries about our fertility doctor)
Hortense if it’s a girl
Mulberry if it’s a boy
(half of Philip’s family now refers to the kid as “Horlberry,” which will stick as a nickname, no doubt)
Luke Skywalker Katano Smith for a boy
Princess Leia Katano Smith for a girl
One of my co-workers suggested we name it Luke regardless of gender so Philip can go around saying, “Luke, I am your father.” This, so far, has been the best suggestion.
We have no idea. The pressure of naming a child is overwhelming. We know this much-we will give it a Japanese first name (that is easily pronounceable by Americans), a Smith family middle name (though with 24 nieces and nephews on that side, it’s now challenging to find one not in use), and probably Katano Smith. We will hopefully narrow it down to three names and decide for sure when we see the kid’s face. Who knows, we might just throw all of them out the window and name it something else all together. At the moment, we call it “Flippy.”
When we first saw this we thought, "We're having a unicorn!" The sonographer assured us that the kid was just "standing on its head."
Then the baby shower.
I don’t actually want one. I didn’t have a bridal shower either. The whole “shower” culture is strange to me. Not the gifts part, I love gifts. But all the games that involves toilet paper and diapers. I think that’s one of those things that most people dread but they do because that’s how it’s done. Not to mention it feels really strange to celebrate something that has yet to happen. I know that many cultures (including my own) don’t have this tradition—maybe my apprehension partially has something to do with that.
The same goes for setting up the baby’s room. I have heard so many stories of something going wrong at the last minute and couples having to face everything they have bought for the child—or worse, they are unable face it so they don’t enter the room for a long time, which is a horrible thing to think about. But we think about it because in our experience every time we thought things were going our way, he had the rug pulled out from under us. The first time we got pregnant, we spent our entire first trimester thinking we were fine, only to find out at week 11 that the embryo had stopped developing at week 6 and we didn’t know it. The second time we got pregnant, we got arrogant because it was IVF and somehow thought that meant we were invincible only to find out at week 7 that there was, once again, no heartbeat. Philip once said, “If you were hit on the head every time you went outside, eventually you’d stop going outside.” We were on the verge of never going outside again. So the feelings remain. We bought a three-bedroom house because we wanted to start a family. For the past five years, our office-which was to become the “child’s room” has been a catch-all storage room because we could never commit to making it a nice office just in case we need to change it into a kid’s room. It became the room I hated, the room that was suspended in time, the room that was a reminder that we were failing. So we are cautious.
But we also have to be practical. We can’t have nothing and panic when we come home with a baby. There will be enough things to panic and feel confused about. We’ve had several rounds of “Practical vs. Philosophical” discussions and agreed that prior to birth, we will convert the office and the guest room, and get what is to become the baby’s room painted. Other than that, we are going to set some basic things and set them up in our bedroom-it seems that you don’t really need a nursery during the first couple of months anyway. I like to accumulate things as we go-figure out what we need as we get to know the kid and us as parents. There is no need to get everything before. It’s like mounting a production. Get to know the material and your audience, come up with a concept, negotiate budget, have rehearsals and production meetings, load in, tech, and open. This will be a long run.
One of Philip’s co-workers (a mother of two kids) said, “At first all you really need is a car seat and some diapers.” Well, we’ll get a couple of other things, but that’s about it.
But we wouldn’t go without a party. We would like one after the kid is here. We will be in total celebration mode then (or just completely delirious –Philip). We already have a couple of generous theatre friends who bravely volunteered to throw it. So we’ll let them and it’ll be a grand time.
People continue to look at us funny about these decisions we make. Someone said to me, “Why find out the gender if you’re not telling people or not having a shower, or buying things ahead of time?” Well, that’s us. We’re weird and specific like that. I imagine we’ll continue to get funny looks as we raise our kid because no doubt we’ll be weird parents.
“Why?!!”
“AAAAUUUUUGGGGGHHHH!!!!”
“I know people who don’t find out and I know people who find out and tell, but you are the first people I’ve ever heard of who found out but aren’t telling.”
“I think we should bribe her ass and find out.”
to:
“Good for you!”
Now, about 75-80% of people say, “good for you.”
We decided that we wanted to have something to announce when the kid is here. That way, there is a little more of that “ta-da!!!” to it. We’re theatre people after all so there’s gotta be a dramatic entrance. Also, we feel it’s romantic and kind of fun to have this secret between us. Just for few more months…
What about the name? This is usually the second question. And we have no idea. Honestly. We are both very A.D.D. so when we sit down to brainstorm anything (and we’ve worked together on a lot of different projects), we can’t help but spend the first few rounds listing nothing but stupid, useless, but entertaining ideas. Under that category we have so far:
Embryoko (Embryo and “ko” for a Japanese girl's name)
Embryoro (Same as above, but for a Japanese boy's name)
Ivy Fiona (so we can call her "Ivy F" -- get it? we kill us!)
If we had twins (which we aren’t - whew), we would name them Mac & Tosh (see earlier entries about our fertility doctor)
Hortense if it’s a girl
Mulberry if it’s a boy
(half of Philip’s family now refers to the kid as “Horlberry,” which will stick as a nickname, no doubt)
Luke Skywalker Katano Smith for a boy
Princess Leia Katano Smith for a girl
One of my co-workers suggested we name it Luke regardless of gender so Philip can go around saying, “Luke, I am your father.” This, so far, has been the best suggestion.
We have no idea. The pressure of naming a child is overwhelming. We know this much-we will give it a Japanese first name (that is easily pronounceable by Americans), a Smith family middle name (though with 24 nieces and nephews on that side, it’s now challenging to find one not in use), and probably Katano Smith. We will hopefully narrow it down to three names and decide for sure when we see the kid’s face. Who knows, we might just throw all of them out the window and name it something else all together. At the moment, we call it “Flippy.”
When we first saw this we thought, "We're having a unicorn!" The sonographer assured us that the kid was just "standing on its head."Then the baby shower.
I don’t actually want one. I didn’t have a bridal shower either. The whole “shower” culture is strange to me. Not the gifts part, I love gifts. But all the games that involves toilet paper and diapers. I think that’s one of those things that most people dread but they do because that’s how it’s done. Not to mention it feels really strange to celebrate something that has yet to happen. I know that many cultures (including my own) don’t have this tradition—maybe my apprehension partially has something to do with that.
The same goes for setting up the baby’s room. I have heard so many stories of something going wrong at the last minute and couples having to face everything they have bought for the child—or worse, they are unable face it so they don’t enter the room for a long time, which is a horrible thing to think about. But we think about it because in our experience every time we thought things were going our way, he had the rug pulled out from under us. The first time we got pregnant, we spent our entire first trimester thinking we were fine, only to find out at week 11 that the embryo had stopped developing at week 6 and we didn’t know it. The second time we got pregnant, we got arrogant because it was IVF and somehow thought that meant we were invincible only to find out at week 7 that there was, once again, no heartbeat. Philip once said, “If you were hit on the head every time you went outside, eventually you’d stop going outside.” We were on the verge of never going outside again. So the feelings remain. We bought a three-bedroom house because we wanted to start a family. For the past five years, our office-which was to become the “child’s room” has been a catch-all storage room because we could never commit to making it a nice office just in case we need to change it into a kid’s room. It became the room I hated, the room that was suspended in time, the room that was a reminder that we were failing. So we are cautious.
But we also have to be practical. We can’t have nothing and panic when we come home with a baby. There will be enough things to panic and feel confused about. We’ve had several rounds of “Practical vs. Philosophical” discussions and agreed that prior to birth, we will convert the office and the guest room, and get what is to become the baby’s room painted. Other than that, we are going to set some basic things and set them up in our bedroom-it seems that you don’t really need a nursery during the first couple of months anyway. I like to accumulate things as we go-figure out what we need as we get to know the kid and us as parents. There is no need to get everything before. It’s like mounting a production. Get to know the material and your audience, come up with a concept, negotiate budget, have rehearsals and production meetings, load in, tech, and open. This will be a long run.
One of Philip’s co-workers (a mother of two kids) said, “At first all you really need is a car seat and some diapers.” Well, we’ll get a couple of other things, but that’s about it.
But we wouldn’t go without a party. We would like one after the kid is here. We will be in total celebration mode then (or just completely delirious –Philip). We already have a couple of generous theatre friends who bravely volunteered to throw it. So we’ll let them and it’ll be a grand time.
People continue to look at us funny about these decisions we make. Someone said to me, “Why find out the gender if you’re not telling people or not having a shower, or buying things ahead of time?” Well, that’s us. We’re weird and specific like that. I imagine we’ll continue to get funny looks as we raise our kid because no doubt we’ll be weird parents.
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