Week 11. Last day with Mac. It was bittersweet. We have thought of this day for a very long time but when it came, it was kind of sad. The receptionist said she wasn't ready to see us go yet. Mac gave us a big hug and told us to come by and visit. The nursing staff and other physicians came out to wish us well. We've spent about 3 and a half years commuting to this clinic with various feelings and conditions and now we've graduated. Now what? The quest to find an OB that's what.
We decided to go with Swedish because we had nothing but good experiences there. As we were doing our research, Philip came across the doctor who performed my first D&C back in 2002-he was really nice and had an excellent bedside manner. Philip asked if I wanted to complete the circle and go with him. I said yes.
When you go through fertility drama, you tend to get needy. We had so much good hand holding that we were taken aback by the OB office. They were perfectly nice, but first we couldn't get an appointment with the Doctor we requested. They said he was super busy the next two months. We saw his assistant who did a thorough intake and answered questions, but we left there feeling uneasy. We kept saying to each other, "Do they know our history and condition? Do they care? " (I am noticing that everything we said in this context ends with ?) No matter who you talked to and explained to them that this was the THIRD IVF and I had TWO miscarriages and I am THIRTY-EIGHT!!!! Their response might as well have been, "yeah, so?" One nurse assured us that we are not "high risk" but "higher risk" (Philip later commented, "wow, way to split that hair"). "Believe me, " she said, "You're not HIGH risk." What does that even mean anyway.
At week 12, we were sent to genetic counseling. Though I'm not a "high risk," I was recommended to get this done BECAUSE OF MY AGE (see how confusing this is? And it's not just because I'm foreign). They did a thorough ultrasound to see the thickness of the skin in the back of the baby’s neck, other major organ development, etc. When the technician said, "there is the brain, " I said, "It has a brain!! That's good, right? I made a brain!" Then we sat down with the counselor and she asked some family history questions and carefully charted them out. Then after she explained to us the stats on getting a baby with some sort of genetic abnormality, we kindly declined all options to test them. We will take the kid as it comes. After 5 years, this is not the time to be picky. I told Philip as long as the kid was cute, I didn't care if s/he had three legs. "But it has to be cute." I said. I'm the shallowest at the most important moments.
At around week 13, the morning sickness lifted like it was never there. I felt good and worried at the same time, but thank god for those books I have-they all seem to say that that's exactly what is supposed to happen for most women. I was eating again. After having ultrasounds for 11 straight weeks, not having a check up for a month is difficult. I read so many things to make sure I was on track-bought a new scale so I could make sure I was gaining just enough weight, started noting things that I was eating, etc. Totally neurotic. But then around week 15 my pants started to feel weird. Not totally tight but snug in a way that they’d never been. This is about when I started saying, "I think I'm starting to show---or is it gas?" Since then, "Or is it gas?" has been a mantra in our house.
Joy of maternity clothes. Thank goodness for Target and Old Navy. I'm also thankful for being pregnant at a time when there are some good maternity clothes. Between week 15 and 18, I was having to conceal my body from the kids at my work because I was going to announce it at around week 19-right before Thanksgiving. I wasn't showing that much and if you didn't know me well, you wouldn't have known but still, every morning became a drama trying to dress right. I tend to wear things that are form-fitting and none of those things looked right anymore or didn't fit me. So I was wearing my new elastic waist pants (which by the way, everyone should just have one-they're so comfortable) and a long baggy sweater. But not too baggy so as not to look odd or totally shapeless. Good thing ‘80s trends are back and that meant that lot of the regular stores now carry long sweaters. It's been interesting trying to dress my ever-changing body after having the same body type pretty much all my life. The weirdest thing is to actually having boobs. So I am now forced to wear a grown up bra as opposed to the training bra I've worn since I was 12. My torso no longer looks like me.
Week 19 we have our ultrasound and a check up. Still there. Bigger. We finally see our OB, who we still liked, and ask several questions including why do doctors in the US say sushi is bad when pregnant women all over Japan have been consuming sushi from the beginning of sushi history. My mother was comically horrified when I told her. Apparently in addition to concerns about the mercury level, there is a concern of bacteria. Bacteria schmacteria I say. But I won't do it because I would feel really stupid if something went wrong because of my trying to prove my national pride. I told Philip that when I was a student here, I couldn't have any Japanese food due to lack of funds. So I'll suck it up and just eat California roll. And cucumber roll. And ume/shiso roll. And eel ...
We did ask him what the risks were. And he did say at 39 (because I will be 39 when I give birth) I am labeled a "high risk pregnancy" and went on to explain pretty much the same stats the genetic counselor gave us. What was that nurse talking about?
As planned, I've announced the news to my kids at the theatre. One screamed, "I knew it!!!!" and others gave me hugs and good wishes. I went to the board meeting and announced it there, too. Somehow it was comforting to get congratulations from room full of parents. At first when we started to tell people we felt as though we were bringing in bad luck by telling. This process really did a number on our confidence so we became very cagey and protective. But Philip first began telling people at work and he encouraged me to do the same because it was fun and that it was time, and it was OK to do so. And it's true; it's a good feeling to bring good news to people who have known of our roller coaster ride. Their joy is genuine and huge and powerful. They permit you to feel happy. After our check up, we visited Mac. He came running out and looked at the photo, commented profusely on how great the Siemen’s sonogram machine is, cracked some jokes that we couldn't quite catch (as usual), and laughed loudly at himself. It was good to see him. It must be a good feeling for a doctor to have things go well after trying everything.
And here we are at a little over 20 weeks.
More updates to follow.
Thank you for your kind attention.
We decided to go with Swedish because we had nothing but good experiences there. As we were doing our research, Philip came across the doctor who performed my first D&C back in 2002-he was really nice and had an excellent bedside manner. Philip asked if I wanted to complete the circle and go with him. I said yes.
When you go through fertility drama, you tend to get needy. We had so much good hand holding that we were taken aback by the OB office. They were perfectly nice, but first we couldn't get an appointment with the Doctor we requested. They said he was super busy the next two months. We saw his assistant who did a thorough intake and answered questions, but we left there feeling uneasy. We kept saying to each other, "Do they know our history and condition? Do they care? " (I am noticing that everything we said in this context ends with ?) No matter who you talked to and explained to them that this was the THIRD IVF and I had TWO miscarriages and I am THIRTY-EIGHT!!!! Their response might as well have been, "yeah, so?" One nurse assured us that we are not "high risk" but "higher risk" (Philip later commented, "wow, way to split that hair"). "Believe me, " she said, "You're not HIGH risk." What does that even mean anyway.
At week 12, we were sent to genetic counseling. Though I'm not a "high risk," I was recommended to get this done BECAUSE OF MY AGE (see how confusing this is? And it's not just because I'm foreign). They did a thorough ultrasound to see the thickness of the skin in the back of the baby’s neck, other major organ development, etc. When the technician said, "there is the brain, " I said, "It has a brain!! That's good, right? I made a brain!" Then we sat down with the counselor and she asked some family history questions and carefully charted them out. Then after she explained to us the stats on getting a baby with some sort of genetic abnormality, we kindly declined all options to test them. We will take the kid as it comes. After 5 years, this is not the time to be picky. I told Philip as long as the kid was cute, I didn't care if s/he had three legs. "But it has to be cute." I said. I'm the shallowest at the most important moments.
At around week 13, the morning sickness lifted like it was never there. I felt good and worried at the same time, but thank god for those books I have-they all seem to say that that's exactly what is supposed to happen for most women. I was eating again. After having ultrasounds for 11 straight weeks, not having a check up for a month is difficult. I read so many things to make sure I was on track-bought a new scale so I could make sure I was gaining just enough weight, started noting things that I was eating, etc. Totally neurotic. But then around week 15 my pants started to feel weird. Not totally tight but snug in a way that they’d never been. This is about when I started saying, "I think I'm starting to show---or is it gas?" Since then, "Or is it gas?" has been a mantra in our house.
Joy of maternity clothes. Thank goodness for Target and Old Navy. I'm also thankful for being pregnant at a time when there are some good maternity clothes. Between week 15 and 18, I was having to conceal my body from the kids at my work because I was going to announce it at around week 19-right before Thanksgiving. I wasn't showing that much and if you didn't know me well, you wouldn't have known but still, every morning became a drama trying to dress right. I tend to wear things that are form-fitting and none of those things looked right anymore or didn't fit me. So I was wearing my new elastic waist pants (which by the way, everyone should just have one-they're so comfortable) and a long baggy sweater. But not too baggy so as not to look odd or totally shapeless. Good thing ‘80s trends are back and that meant that lot of the regular stores now carry long sweaters. It's been interesting trying to dress my ever-changing body after having the same body type pretty much all my life. The weirdest thing is to actually having boobs. So I am now forced to wear a grown up bra as opposed to the training bra I've worn since I was 12. My torso no longer looks like me.
Week 19 we have our ultrasound and a check up. Still there. Bigger. We finally see our OB, who we still liked, and ask several questions including why do doctors in the US say sushi is bad when pregnant women all over Japan have been consuming sushi from the beginning of sushi history. My mother was comically horrified when I told her. Apparently in addition to concerns about the mercury level, there is a concern of bacteria. Bacteria schmacteria I say. But I won't do it because I would feel really stupid if something went wrong because of my trying to prove my national pride. I told Philip that when I was a student here, I couldn't have any Japanese food due to lack of funds. So I'll suck it up and just eat California roll. And cucumber roll. And ume/shiso roll. And eel ...
We did ask him what the risks were. And he did say at 39 (because I will be 39 when I give birth) I am labeled a "high risk pregnancy" and went on to explain pretty much the same stats the genetic counselor gave us. What was that nurse talking about?
As planned, I've announced the news to my kids at the theatre. One screamed, "I knew it!!!!" and others gave me hugs and good wishes. I went to the board meeting and announced it there, too. Somehow it was comforting to get congratulations from room full of parents. At first when we started to tell people we felt as though we were bringing in bad luck by telling. This process really did a number on our confidence so we became very cagey and protective. But Philip first began telling people at work and he encouraged me to do the same because it was fun and that it was time, and it was OK to do so. And it's true; it's a good feeling to bring good news to people who have known of our roller coaster ride. Their joy is genuine and huge and powerful. They permit you to feel happy. After our check up, we visited Mac. He came running out and looked at the photo, commented profusely on how great the Siemen’s sonogram machine is, cracked some jokes that we couldn't quite catch (as usual), and laughed loudly at himself. It was good to see him. It must be a good feeling for a doctor to have things go well after trying everything.
And here we are at a little over 20 weeks.
More updates to follow.
Thank you for your kind attention.
Comments
Maternity clothes are much better than they used to be. However, they do all seem to scream, "Look at my chest - it's growing!" Those of us who've HAD to wear a bra since the 4th grade are not so much interested in showing off our chests. I was like, "Do you have something that shows a little less cleavage? I'm going to be a mother, for Christ's sake!"
The high-risk thing can be very confusing, and I'm trained as a genetic counselor. The only way to be 100% certain about genetic abnormalities is to have the amniocentesis and chorionic villus sampling, and even then you're only getting info on the things you can SEE on the chromosomes. After 2 miscarriages myself, there was no way I was going to let them stick a needle in there, no matter how small the risk of the procedure! Amnio can't tell you how cute the kid will be, anyway, and with you two is there really any question?
Are you feeling any movement yet? It came later for me than the books said; so don't worry if you can't feel it yet. It was hard to tell if it was movement or gas in the beginning anyway, so your question will still be apropos.
We're so excited for you guys!
many congratulations!
xxx
omg - i can't stop crying. i'm sorry you had to go through all of this crap by yourselves. i would have like to have helped. i'm glad you had so much support from the staff at mac's place. it IS annoying when you have to see a GROUP of doctors. i don't know why obs do it that way. sure it's all blase to them, but to each and every patient it is ONE CHERISHED MOMENT. i think they should be more respectful of your individual needs, concerns, and situation. HEY were you pregnant when april and i were there? i can't remember when we were there. love ya - it was great to see ya!!!
p.s. i blogged the wrong place so i moved my comment and i would like to add that i am very happy for you