Are you kidding me with this?

Anyone who thinks their child is so good tempered that perhaps she will bypass the “terrible twos” altogether is a fool.

Call me a fool.

Hello, Mother.

It is true that behaviors which might be categorized as “terrible two” begin at 18 months. I suppose kids have to discover what tantrums work best and perfect them by the time they turn two. Or something.

Yuki’s full name is “Miyuki.” It means “grace and determination.” Determined, she is. Grace, not so much yet. I mentioned in an earlier post that she now wants to eat and drink things on her own. While that’s getting better, she is now very clear on what she wants. She points and whines. When we don’t guess right, the whine becomes a screech. It’s like a bomb. You have to defuse it within a certain amount of time or it’s going to blow. If you don’t, you’re looking at a puddle of boneless toddler, pissed off and crying. Then it’s plan B. We bring out all the crap that makes her happy no matter what the circumstance and see if that will at least calm her down. Which works most of the time. She has at least inherited our combined A.D.D.-ness that makes her easy to distract from tantrums. Unless she is tired.

We went to Green Lake a week ago. For those who are not Seattle locals, it is a pleasant lake with a path around where people in SUPER good shape run or bike, and people who are trying to get in shape walk, and people with kids bring all of their gear to play with, and others parade their dogs. As you can imagine, it gets crowded on a clear day especially in the winter because they are few and far in between. Anyway, we have been there with Trixie and Yuki in her stroller a number of times but this was the first time we took her without the stroller because she is no longer interested in riding in the thing. She wants to walk. EVERYWHERE.

And, no, the "everywhere" she wants to walk is not often the "where" that we need to go.

It’s good because it’s a lot easier than dealing with the stroller, but on this day, she was crabby. We got there, and she wanted to walk without holding hands, which presented a problem because it was crowded. After a couple minutes of struggling, we moved her to a lawn where it was wide open so she could walk or run freely. No. She wanted to be on the path. Actually, she wanted to go in the water. With the corners of her mouth turned down, she would head straight for the lake, then I would jump over and duck under the pedestrians to get to her and grab her wrist, which she would protest with a scream and a twist of her body, which made me look like a psycho parent, and Trixie who is watching all this would get stressed because she is a herding dog and when her pack gets separated, all she wants to do is run in a big circle around the pack to round us up, which was impossible because she was leashed and attached to Philip. This got old in 5 seconds.

After 15 minutes of this struggle, we were sitting on the bench, taking a break, and I turned to her and said, “THIS IS SO MUCH FUN. I AM HAVING A GREAT TIME, THANK YOU.” Later, Philip told me how he hates it when we fight. Did I mention I have a graduate degree in child development? Awesome.

W-A-T-E-R. W-A-T-E-R.
(Why yes, that is a The Miracle Worker reference. Thank you for noticing.)

Here is how I see it; if what Yuki wants is reasonable, meaning if we’re not pressed for time and it doesn’t pose any danger or inconvenience to her or the others around her, I let her do it. I’ve been in a place (as a nanny) where I just didn’t feel like doing what the kids want to do and I know now that that is not fair. So I try to be patient there, because the key is to keep her engaged and happy. But if any of the above listed situation arises, we gotta brace ourselves for that awful sound of tantrum and stick to the “no.” Because in my line of work, I have seen kids who have given no boundaries and have never been told no and boy, there is nothing uglier. It is best to get that into a child before they are 3 (this I remember from grad school), because after they are 6, it is virtually impossible to correct it. Philip and I check in almost on a daily bases on what is OK and what is not, so that we are consistent. It is HARD to say “no” knowing it will cause her to cry, but I know we just have to ride it out now for it to get easier later. But in doing so, I will stay cool and will not “get into a fight” with a 19 month old in public in the future. Apologies to Philip.

Time out. With gorillas.

I must say, Yuki now comprehends full sentences and is taking in language at a rapid speed, which makes all of this easier. We are working on “please” as opposed to “oooghh!!!!” which she is learning, and she now repeats and retains what we say. She will point to the CD player and say, “ABChee-Peees” which means, “Play (They Might Be Giants’), ‘Here Come The ABCs’ please.’” She will also point and say “Bubba peees” which means, “blow bubbles, please.” And when we guess right, she will nod, smile and say, “hai” like a good Japanese kid. And if we tell her to leave something behind, we tell her to say bye-bye and blow kisses and she may take a bit, but she comes around to it and is able to leave things. Unless of course, she is tired. Then we just pick her up and go.

And sometimes we pick her up and go and take pictures of it.

Last week, she acted tantrummy (yes, we're making up words now) for two days and I kept saying, “ She must be tired or something.” But then I realized, she might just be in that phase, which horrified me, but then the next day, she was not so tantrummy, so maybe I was right. Or was I?

Just gotta keep our heads down and stick to it, and not lose our sense of humor. And enjoy bubbles in the meantime.